To my late husband on what would have been our 5-year anniversary,

I don’t even know what to say, David. You’ve been gone a little over 3 months. It’s getting harder to remember you and easier to live without you. I feel guilty for even saying that.

I’ve learned so much about you since you died. I’ve learned how sick you really were, how sick I was, how chaotic the storm was that we had created around us. I’m sorry that I wasn’t able to heal sooner and help you more. But I also wish you wouldn’t have bailed on me.

I’ve never loved anyone as long as I loved you. The longest relationship my mother ever had was 6 years and I was so determined to beat that record with you. Your last marriage lasted 10 years and I was SO looking forward to being the one that would stand by your side and blow all of the others out of the water.

I can hear your voice in my head, telling me that I already did that. That I had already blown all of the others out of the water just by loving you.

I can hear you telling me now, the way you always did, that I was the best wife.

I loved you and challenged you.

I respected you and played with you.

You always told me how much you loved me, and you were so thankful to have me as a wife.