I realized recently that I didn’t know who I was anymore. I haven’t figured it out yet, but this is what sorting through it all looks like right now.
I wish I knew what I needed.
I am here and present with myself, I’m willing to ask for help, take time, whatever it is that my soul and heart is looking for.
I exercise, I eat healthy, I eat junk, I stay in bed all day, I step through a routine, I pray, I read, I sit and listen. I spend time alone. I spend time with others.
Some days, I still feel like I want to run.
I have a strange, panicky feeling in the pit of my stomach and I don’t know what to do. I honestly feel like I should be running from something chasing me.
I feel stuck. I feel like I have no progress to make, no goal to work toward.
I had a plan before.
David would get sober and I would work on my codependency, and then after that we would start rebuilding our marriage and ministry for helping others through the same place.
I have no vision now for what that looks like for me.
