It’s getting harder to find the words to say to you…
David,
I’ve stopped writing you letters. I don’t have anything new to say. You’ve been gone 7 months. We’ve made it through the SWAP, your birthday, Father’s day and dozens of regular days without you.
Things are starting to get less painful. The kids and I both still cry, but the tidal waves aren’t ALWAYS all-consuming.
We’re still angry you left, but this is just life now.
This is life without you and it sucks.
We went to the creek yesterday for Father’s Day and spread some of your ashes. I asked you why you passed your pain onto your kids, family, friends, ME.
But I know you didn’t think that’s what you were doing.
You thought you were saving us from your pain, the pain you were causing us because you were sick, and I know that NOW… you know how wrong you were.
You’re missing so much and I hate it.
Well, you’re not missing it, but we’re missing your presence in these moments.
It’s just not fair, but life isn’t fair, and I am very well acquainted with that concept.
So were you.
