Be a man (or woman) of your word.
This is a basic life principle with which I was raised. Nostalgic western movies that depict the “good ole’ days” reinforce this ideal that a man (or woman) is only as good as his (or her) word, and in our household, this was to be emulated.
I believe in this principle and now teach it to my own children; “don’t make promises you can’t keep.”
But as a recovering codependent, I’m seeing how I’ve often taken this too far.
Doing the things I say I’ll do is admirable. I am reliable, dependable, a woman of my word….but I can’t say no.
Well, now I can, but before the beginning of my recovery I didn’t know how to use no. Then, boundaries were just property lines to be argued over when a tree needed to be removed or a fence needed to be put up. I had zero concept of what the term “boundaries” was in a relationship context.
Instead, I just parroted the things that I had seen growing up. Put on a smile, always offer help, and only stop helping when you’re about to collapse or your electric is going to be shut off because you loaned out your entire paycheck last week. Then, and only then, will you have an excuse to say no.
You help because it’s expected of you and you never complain…in front of people…
